Had a really hard time getting out of bed today. Though I did promised myself I would. Tried to change some thing in my daily routine hoping I’d feel better.
Kickboxing training seems to do the trick, for the time being that is.
My kind of work demands afternoon working hours, so I thought to myself that a workout at 9.00 in the evening perhaps would be possible.
Make a mental picture of a bipolar in his hypomanic mood doing workout in the morning, I almost exhausted myself to death!! So at the time being and due to my long depression mood, I tried evening work out.
So out of my working outfit (black t-shirt, jeans and converse all stars) and in to my workout outfit (black t-shirt, sweatpants and converse all stars). Yay, my inner child is still alive!
Felt a bit ridiculous at first, marching up and down, fists up and punching an imaginary opponent. Luckily my mind was numb from doing maths for 8 hours and the known to us all “you-don’t-belong-here-you-don’t-belong-anywhere-you’re-all-alone” feeling didn’t kick in.
Instead endorphins kicked in. And I pushed myself harder and harder. Seemed like the dark fog that painted everything with dark and gloomy shades of grey, was lifted for a bit. I’m not gonna lie and say it felt great, when black is the only color you see for the most of your life, other colors fail to be recognized.
But it felt different and different was ok. Perhaps different was welcome too.
So I continued till my trainer told me to take some breaths. I asked her to let me strain myself a bit more and she did.
And when I returned home (or nothome, depends how you look at it) I was exhausted but I still felt different. And after a shower I did manage to sleep for 5 hours straight and that was different too.
And now I have something to look forward to at the end of my day.
Don’t know if it will last but the fact that I’m here writing about it and perhaps some of you out there can relate makes getting out of bed a bit easier. Any thoughts are needed/welcome.
SO THANK YOU
to be continued