Had a really hard time getting out of bed today. Though I did promised myself I would. Tried to change some thing in my daily routine hoping I’d feel better.

Kickboxing training seems to do the trick, for the time being that is.

My kind of work demands afternoon working hours, so I thought to myself that a workout at 9.00 in the evening perhaps would be possible.

Make a mental picture of a bipolar in his hypomanic mood doing workout in the morning, I almost exhausted myself to death!! So at the time being and due to my long depression mood, I tried evening work out.

So out of my working outfit (black t-shirt, jeans and converse all stars) and in to my workout outfit (black t-shirt, sweatpants and converse all stars). Yay, my inner child is still alive!

Felt a bit ridiculous at first, marching up and down, fists up and punching an imaginary opponent. Luckily my mind was numb from doing maths for 8 hours and the known to us all “you-don’t-belong-here-you-don’t-belong-anywhere-you’re-all-alone” feeling didn’t kick in.

Instead endorphins kicked in. And I pushed myself harder and harder. Seemed like the dark fog that painted everything with dark and gloomy shades of grey, was lifted for a bit. I’m not gonna lie and say it felt great, when black is the only color you see for the most of your life, other colors fail to be recognized.

But it felt different and different was ok. Perhaps different was welcome too.

So I continued till my trainer told me to take some breaths. I asked her to let me strain myself a bit more and she did.

And when I returned home (or nothome, depends how you look at it) I was exhausted but I still felt different. And after a shower I did manage to sleep for 5 hours straight and that was different too.

And now I have something to look forward to at the end of my day.

Don’t know if it will last but the fact that I’m here writing about it and perhaps some of you out there can relate makes getting out of bed a bit easier. Any thoughts are needed/welcome.


to be continued

12 thoughts on “Change

  1. I did kickboxing once and it kicked my ass. Lol. I journal daily what I accomplished and three things I am greatful for. Accomplished meaning , got out of bed, feed myself, showered. That was during the worst of the worst. It always seemed to help to spend a lot of time talking with family.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Read your about, and a few posts. First, there is sort of a light, though not at the end of the tunnel. Light happens in the in-between times, but you have to look for it and grab onto it when it occurs. It’s a roller coaster ride. I’ve been thankful for the right meds, my faith, and the time in life when I can just settle. Some days are better than others, though I’ve found getting older for me has come with a desire to have more solitude.

    Writing is my joy now and I’m thankful I can use it to just be honest about myself. And if I touch a heart in the process, I will consider myself a success.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. I am so happy to see you also found relief and good moments through physical exercise! It has helped me immensely. Our bodies are meant to -move- and do! Something we often forget in our modern way of life. Youv said after doing maths fo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oops, accidentally sent before completing. So- you said after doing maths for 8 hours. What is it that you do for living if I may ask you? No need to tell if it is some super secret project or something! Or if you just want to keep it private. =)

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Oh, cool to know! =D Post script: The assasins were not prepared enough. Where shall I have their remains delivered or shall I just dispose of them?

        Liked by 2 people

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