Meaning?

It was more than a week ago, along Christmas holidays. No reason to write about the endless loop of despair and self doubt my mind was swimming with joy, most of you know that exact feeling.

As a sentimental (and romantic perhaps) move I bought along with my newspaper and two books a toy figurine of Wolverine, sharp claws and all, ready to defeat bad guys and save the day.

Though I felt like “Logan” in the latest of the wolverine sequels, I tried my best to sound a bit optimistic and send the following sms…

“There is a gift that I bought for you, something silly and meaningless perhaps but it meant a great deal to me. You will find it at the windshield of my car, it is parked just outside my house, you can’t miss it. It is there to protect you when I’m lost in the dark corners of my mind and I can’t help you myself. Love L.”

Three hours later, when my class ended I passed with my motorcycle outside my house. The Wolverine figurine was still there covered with snow. I turned on my cell-phone and read…

“Sorry babe, I just saw the sms. What were you talking about?”

No trusting my mood and my mind I didn’t reply and let it the incident get lost in some dark and dusty corridor along with other thoughts of despair, loneliness and self doubt. Took the figurine and left in somewhere in the chaos of my working desk.

This Friday afternoon, in a break between classes, my phone rang. It was my son, he was waiting with my parents at my house (it is my weekend with him).

“Thank you so much dad for the gift, found it on your desk.”

Puzzled, I tried to remember what gift was he talking about.

“I love wolverine, waiting for you to come home and play with me.”

Tears flood my eyes, feeling both an inadequate and a blessed father at the same time.

???

to be continued

 

11 thoughts on “Meaning?

  1. Relying on expectations always sends me down the drain of no return. Take the blessings where and when they come and allow them access to your heart. If you do this often enough, they might gather and together create a small amount of joy one day. ❤

    Liked by 3 people

    1. That inner bastard inside me tells me that trying to find a reason or a purpose is pointless… some things just happen. I will get back to you on that.
      On the other hand it’s nice that other people find a reason so perhaps it is a job worth doing.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It took me a lot effort to try and see deeper meanings in things, still often does not work. =D So I can relate. Perhaps indeed. 🙂

        Liked by 2 people

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